Diana Dares

Foiling Chicanery with Boundless Intelligence, Fashionable Outfits, Moxie, and One Sporty Blue Roadster.

Monday, January 29, 2007

...and the Gift of Basically Anything That's Awesome

I have the severest girl-crush on Mindy Kaling. I love that she sort of got on the Hollywood radar by co-writing and co-performing in Matt & Ben, she seems cool and funny and like she'd be fun to hang out with along with a bunch of girls as you all drained about nine pitchers of margaritas, and she is the author of the for-my-money funniest (non-AD**) moment of tv in the past decade*, the opening of The Office episode "The Injury":

MICHAEL SCOTT
I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me. And since I don't have a butler, I have to do it myself. So most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman grill. Then, I go to sleep. When I wake up. I plug in the grill. Then I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious, it's good for me -- it's the perfect way to start the day. Today I got up, I stepped on the grill, and it clamped down on my foot. That's it. I don't see what's so hard to believe about that.

The first time I saw that, I literally cried during that part and then rewound it six times.

Annnnnnyway, she has a blog -- mindyephron.blogspot.com --and it only serves to convince me even more of her awesomeness. Anyone who wants to drive a Mini, but hesitates momentarily because it'd be "like driving the automotive equivalent of the Gilmore Girls", and then shrugs it off because she thinks the shows actually okay --that is a girl with whom I really want to be friends!

She is funny, but there are also some very valuable tips on there -- practically everything on it, I do want to track down and purchase! I knew she'd be someone awesome to talk to about makeup and shoes, and now it feels like a one-sided version of that conversation is actually happening.

* narrowly beating out "dropping the hard J" from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia


** My Personal Top Ten AD Quotes:

10.
Tobias F√ľnke: Right, I forgot, here in the States, you call it a *sausage* in the mouth.
Michael: We just call it a sausage.

9.
Michael Bluth: Do you know what they do to people who commit treason?
George Sr.: First time.
Michael Bluth: I've never heard of a second.

8.
Buster: Yes. I create a diversion, and you grab George Michael and go. We need a name. Maybe "Operation Hot Mother".
Michael: No, le-let's try to top that.

7.
Michael Bluth: I need you to do something to my mom that I cannot do. Maybe some Afternoon Delight.
Oscar: Ah. Now the question is, how do I get it in her?
Narrator: Oscar thought that Michael was referring to a particular brand of cannibus called "Afternoon Delight". It was known for the ability to slow down reflexes.
Michael Bluth: I don't want any details...
Oscar: Maybe I'll put it in her brownie...
Michael Bluth: Hey.

6.
Michael Bluth: You know what you do? You go buy yourself a tape recorder and record yourself for a whole day. You might be surprised at some of your phrasing.


5.
Lindsay Funke: Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough.
Lucille: Not as much as you enjoyed yours. You want the belt to buckle, not your chair.
[server sets a dessert of Bananas Foster on fire]
Lucille: You might want to let that fire go out before you stick your face in it.
Lindsay Funke: That's funny, 'cause I was gonna say "You might wanna lean away from that fire since you're soaked in alcohol."
Lucille: Mine was better.

4.
Gob: [as Franklin] What's the matter with you?
Gob: [in the present] Franklin said some things Whitey wasn't ready to hear.
Michael: Gob, weren't you also mercilessly beaten outside of a club in Torrance for that act?
Gob: He also said some things that African-American-y wasn't ready to hear either.

3.
Michael Bluth: [calling from prison, taking about his brother, Gob] I've got a nice hard cot with his name on it.
Lucille: You would do that to your brother?
Michael Bluth: I said "cot".

2.
George Michael Bluth: Don't you always say "family first"?
Michael: Yes, I do. But that is not a family. Okay? They're a bunch of greedy, selfish people who have our nose. And Aunt Lindsay.
George Michael Bluth: She's not my real aunt?
Michael: Not her real nose. Got a picture of her when she was 14 in a swimming cap. She looks like a falcon.

1.
Gob: It's a mainstay of the magician's toolkit, like how clowns always have a rag soaked in ether.

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