Diana Dares

Foiling Chicanery with Boundless Intelligence, Fashionable Outfits, Moxie, and One Sporty Blue Roadster.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Today in Feminism

Ahh, pilot season. In 2006. And such a interested and varied assemblage of female characters. A sampling of descriptions:

“Ph.D. with a surfer-babe look and the frame of a world-class athlete”
“sex is fun, but work is her climax”
“30, strong, sexy, and a tomboy at heart”
“30, a natural beauty with wide eyes and a heartbreaking smile”
“...even at this late hour she is beautiful”
“35 and judging from her well-toned backside no stranger to Pilates and yoga”
“a quiet beauty haunted by the desperate realization that she wants and needs a man in her life”
“blonde and beach bum pretty”
“28, rebellious beauty. A smoldering blue-blood with a thrill-seeking interest in real blood.”
“thirty-ish, shapely as an e.e. cummings poem, dressed provocatively”
“A sexy convertible slams to a hard stop, kicking up gravel and dust. The door opens. A black leather boot finds the gravel. Shapely legs leading up to a short skirt emerge….reveal a shapely, sex-exuding woman.”
“dark-haired, seventeen, and stunning”
the naughtiest of the naughty…blond and diabolical”
“---, his wife…28. She is gorgeous.”
“THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL HE HAS EVER SEEN – she’s about 22, with a tangled blond mane and cobalt eyes. The boy gawks. She’s used to it.”
“He can’t help noticing: ---‘s another looker”
“forty, a woman of superior poise, intelligence, and beauty, all underplayed with effortless grace and style”
“A beautiful brunette…suede knee boots, short skirt, leather overcoat, gloves. A vision in high fashion and seething sexuality.”
“Tousled blonde hair, silk nightgown, beautiful, sexy, thirties”

and my favorite tried-and-true character, the sexy free-spirit woman/child who loves rain since it shows how super hot she is when her t-shirt gets soaked but also displays her childlike innocence and glee. Who is introduced in two separate pilots in almost the exact same manner.

“A FACE OF STUNNING BEAUTY. Flawless skin. Deep red lips. Fiery eyes. She wears an oversized man’s shirt. Long tan legs extend from under it…Water rains down. Mystery Girl raises her arms out, in ritual, welcoming the water, letting it soak her”

“A party girl named ---, 21. As they head up the block, it starts to drizzle. ---- tips her head to the sky. Arms out, she spins around, feeling free…A street sweeper is rumbling by. (She) hails it down, jumps on the hood. The driver is waving her off, but that just eggs her on. Then she pulls off her shirt. It’s a classic --- moment!”

There's something a little bit heartbreaking about the writer's desperate effort to instill excitement in the reader with the unspoken promise of future "classic moments(!)" from such an innovative and never before seen character.

Dude, we all went to high school. We all knew Crazy Girl. We all know what Crazy Girl was shooting for. And if you for some reason we did not have to attend school with Crazy Girl, well then, we certainly have seen Angelina Jolie straining with effort in every interview and appearance to convince us how She Is Unbridled And A Free Spirit And Can Not! Be! Tamed! The trope, she is gotten.

On the flip side (and to try to not appear completely negative), there have been a couple of good character descriptions in the middle of all these, my favorite being (sadly) from a not very good pilot. "At forty has Audrey-Hepburn-in-Roman-Holiday short hair and the face of an angel -- she makes you want to have short hair too."



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